Are you worried about your abusive behaviour?
Are you worried about your behaviour towards your partner?
Have you been violent or abusive?
Is your relationship suffering because of your behaviour?
Is your partner ever scared of or intimidated by you?
Recognising you are abusive
It can be tough facing up to difficult problems. Think hard and face up honestly to the things you have done. You might have done some things only once or twice, but in many cases you'll notice that there is a pattern to the abusive things you do. By making yourself more aware of your abusive behaviour it will become easier to make changes and stop.
Recognising the effects on your family
You may not realise the devastating effect that violence and abuse has on children. Even if your children haven't seen you being violent or abusive, it is almost certain that they will have overheard things and felt the tension. Imagine how terrifying it is to hear your mother/father being abused, not to know how it will end, and not to be able to stop it.
Your children may be directly hurt, being caught in the cross fire or may intervene to protect your partner.
You need to take responsibility for your behaviour and stop blaming your actions on your partner or anything else such as drugs, alcohol, stress etc. It is up to you what you do and how you behave.
Choose to stop
Your abuse is your decision. It's a choice that you have made from the many different options open to you and you can choose differently. If you want to build a loving relationship, not one based on fear, you need to make changes. Just because you've been violent in the past does not mean you have to be violent ever again. Choose to stop.
Only you can address and change the situation. Only you can choose to stop being violent and abusive.
You can get support and help to change. Contact the Respect Phoneline on 0808 802 4040. They will talk to you about what you can do to have a non-abusive relationship or signpost you to a Community Programme that will work with you to change.
Plain Talking, a new initiative for Bracknell
Life and relationships, at times, can become overwhelming and we can find ourselves in a position where our behaviour has become, or is becoming, destructive and harmful to our relationships, our partner and our children.
Plain Talking offers 6 one-to-one sessions to talk about what’s going on for you before things go too far; a chance to step back, learn and recognise the behaviours and thinking that have become a part of how you live and relate to those close to you.
An investment of your time now could give you the support and space you need to help you play your part in developing a healthy, respectful and long relationship as a partner and/or parent. Plain Talking, a new initiative for Bracknell.
If you are interested in talking, please contact Justin Whitlock on Justin.Whitlock@bracknell-forest.gov.uk or text your details to 078 2695 1498.
A confidential and anonymous helpline for anyone concerned about their violence and/or abuse towards a partner or ex partner.
Contact 0808 802 40 40
Research shows that perpetrators will typically justify or ignore their behaviour by –
- Minimising the violence e.g. "it was just a slap", "what's the big deal?”
- Justifying the behaviour to themselves and blaming the victim
- Denying the violence happened or refusing to talk about it
‘Victims experiencing domestic violence may also turn to alcohol or drugs as a form of escape from the violence. Sometimes abusers will use their partner's addiction as an excuse for violent behaviour, saying they have been provoked into using violence. Excuses such as these are used by the perpetrator to deflect responsibility from themselves and put the blame for the violence onto the victim.’